how to talk to your psychiatrist:


listen fuckhead i could care less about the diplomas on your wall, Harvard, Mayo, Snakepit, tell it to the nailbiters, 250 bucks an hour, let's find out if you're worth it, describe your record collection from A to Z, and please, no fibbing, you're allowed 2 mistakes per hundred elpees.


answer me this:

does the great grim reaper have to show up every time in a long black limousine? what rock star am i quoting here and what is his discography?

howcome every time love walks thru the door it becomes unhinged?

who is jean genet and why?

christgau? is he for real?

do you know the meaning of the words:


fuck off

how could you do this to me



your views on rock-n-roll-- is it a wrecker or is it a wrecker?

mind if i call you the alienist? thanks, you can call me bob.

ok with you if I vibrate externally?

"jesus wept" please explain

what's the difference: wedlock or padlock?

husband soul salvation or brand new leash on life?

here's a picture of my two big brothers, which one's the sociopath, you have 30 seconds.


would you say the following statement

1. does not describe you

2. somewhat describes you

7. describes you somwhat but not eternally

57. describes you very well

06. hi honey, I'm home:


my psychiatrist is an alcoholic

my psychiatrist loves me


are role plays part of the treatment protacol?

let's pretend you're the doctor and i'm the kooky patient who needs to start acting like the overworked, dispirited, beurocratized, and ineffectual professional, hamstrung by eminent litigation which makes him underprescribe and overextend patient's misery.


can we talk about suffering here or are you a psychopharmacologist?

do you keep your kleenex out of reach in a secret drawer hidden in desk?

good. You're on the fence about life purpose: socratic therapist or cyborg-chemist, once those kleenex are out the door what remains of your soul will soon follow after.

can you take all the most memorable memories of me and my little billie holiday community and trade them in for a shiny lear jet?

can i be your favorite occupational hazard, will you go out with me?


why don't


and I.

go out.


isn't it romantic.

you can kiss me in the cockpit when the airplane wrecks then if our luck holds out and we stay

together 888888888888 me and you will fry in hell happily ever after forever and ever, happily ever after, amen. Amen.


thanks, can i see my chart now?












Copyright 2002 Robin Plan and All rights reserved.