Cosmo Girl, Take This Quiz:

Is He Worthy Of You?

This is one of the ways they tie a woman in knots, if you act hot and va-va-va-voom at nightclubs then you can’t protest when they manhandle you, if you identify this problem saying hey how can I be all sexy and decadent and sweetly fuckable and still stay safe while drinking beer, everyone will say, you’re not that hot, you’re not that attractive, no one wants to fuck you where did you ever get that idea?

Don’t answer them, ok, put-down artists just want you to look inward instead of outward, doubt yourself instead of them, these bitches are both utterly transparent and visibly snore.

And yet we seek strong hands to fall into when we need to feel real loose like a long necked goose and have fun with our bodies, right.

Once the Blasters came to Cincinnati and a guy got drunk after the show, was stumbling and bumpin into people, he was their road manager, grabbin shit and then droppin it, threw up all over the bathtub and everyone was saying, well that’s Chuck for ya, getting drunk and throwin up in the dressing room and everyone chuckled and laughed and horsed around, teasin him, then he passed out on the couch and nearly missed the taxicab

back to the hotel.

Two nights later after a Los Lobos concert there was a party at Reverend Cool’s house and this woman got drunk, stumbling and bumpin into people, she was loud and alone, grabbin shit then droppin it, threw up all over the bathtub and everyone was sayin who wants to fuck her as they tossed her from man to man, and everyone chuckled and laughed and horsed around, teasing and raping her, then she passed out in the street and just missed getting hit by a Greyhound. Which would have been redundant.

We need transportation, ladies, am I right?

Now that I am engaged I get to play whore 10 times more than I did before, since do you have any idea what my boyfriend will do to you if you even look at me funny? Whoo-hoo-whoo-hoo, he’s that orange blossom special,

into

you

train.

Now, read this out loud to your own webaster, send me his facial expression and I’ll get back to you with his score right away.

It’s good to know the score, huh ladies, it’s what keeps us from turning into roadkill.

Trouble

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