Hey, Hi Austin, Texas!
Austin-Howdy-Stoppin-Town, How’s My Favorite
\ kill city, come here artless dodgers and naked denuders, sit on mama’s lap, does this hurt y’all more than this hurts me, what do you think, no, really, can I borrow your college degree, our resident ghost would like very much to wipe your ass with it.
I am good and you are bad, this I know from U.T. email crowing praise of troublewaits, it is enough, the sort of reader I am after, teachers are the warmest, most authoritative beings on the planet, unlike you she can call me Robin because I sing like one and the black crow knows birds help too. This is what I needed to hear, thank you.
Speakin of the university, do you know how lucky you are that the starving downtrodden serve cappuccino and clean toilets every day so you can get a passive degree in political science as a way of appeasing your conscience until you trade the whole thing in for a talkshow to appease your standstill of a husband that hey, no threats here, take another bite, kids in the casserole tonight, old family duct-tape recipe, yum-yum social nourishment served up by unbleedin secondaries, whores, Nick Cave’s secretaries, twelve bucks an hour office administrators, what happened to the degree in government? Oh that. Youthful idealism, proof you are a good woman, fuck you, I demand a refund.
This is not a new, lame, middle-aged lament, fuck off!! As a child I used to walk the University of Minnesota campus, knowin I would never get there, knowing I would drop out of high school, that’s what our family did, we were not the type of people to put effort into education, we were too busy degenerating.
Now I pick my feet in memory of a useless Texas Walking Refusal, refusing degeneracy, guess how she did that, I’m walkin too, her streets this night, looking for some sign she lived here, died here, fuct over by psychiatry, the hospital, her own excesses of brilliance, forgotten by you, psychiatry, the hospital, let’s go for a walk, huh, you want someone to hold your hand, no, not now, this you do alone, come here, the voice of God wants to speak to you:
Five weeks later she killed herself.
they do not get to throw girls around like this
We all know people like her, lost, under attack, and unutterably blameless, yes Austin, you know her too.
Summer 1999 at the Continental Club guy’s in alley, a freak, heaving, throwing up, coughing, stumbling, ok, people, also freaks, walk right passed him, one after another, 3 feet away, this is Austin Texas, took me 2 minutes to go into club and get him a cup of water and clean wet bar towel, laid it by his feet, took two fuckin minutes, later during concert he finds me to say this:
thanks wow I can’t believe someone actually cared, thanks no man seriously I can’t say it enough, thanks.
Yo, underground, counter-culture, whatever you call
yourself today this is your brother, and you know how he feels,
I know you know that feeling, its power is what makes you wish it would go away, all this is important, humane, wonderful, and so unlike sympathy it’s valuable, useful,
it’s a gift, you wouldn’t be here if you weren’t up to it, ok, here it comes:
This is the kind of man who ends up in psych wards.
He ends up confined in legal barbaric throwaway snakepit for one reason:
your sins of omission
Abandoned by the world, including the community that claims him.
Claims him as an alternative to the world.
Now what? Hm?
You think I’m bein unrealistic about your influence, loser like you? OK, fair enough, give me a chance, we have a way to go yet.
You attend college?
Who you think is gonna change the congressional floorplans?
What does reactionary parent culture respect above all?
I don’t present well, remember?
My presentation reeks of Austin authenticity, is too fuckin convincing,
makes them second-guess their shitty values, no it’s YOU, university students, you are the historical changemakers, you are instantly empowered in legislative eyes by dint of the education you trivialize, try goin without, without tools,
I need your basic fuckin tools
logic, pronunciation, spellin, lucid syntax—all 2nd nature to you, autopilot tools that get you taken seriously, but what are you saying? You have an audience. What are you presenting your audience?
trouble is not taken seriously—trouble means headcase
schizo-affective, psychosis, cry-cry-cry, discourteous conversion disorder, stand-up-fall-down-inconsequential-cocksucker-this-and-motherfucker-that, all I have is desperation, I want to be taken seriously, maybe you can help me learn, we could start by bowing our heads, naming a street after SAR, then maybe you could come tell me what is meant by the word penance.
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