Could you give Him my e-mail address?
Threw His holy ass out 2 weeks ago, just fed up, you
know,
"hit the bricks and don't come back without a
note from Your forensic psychiatrist."
So i'm alone of course i miss His presence of course,
you can get used to anything, of course you can.
Homicidal Maniac, heavenly father. Speak thru me.
Make me sacred vessel, You still do that?
He's in the computer all right, one thing i know for
certain in the whole world right now is this font you're reading is WRONG WRONG
WRONG WRONG, no one told me this was gonna happen, but of course it does, it's
all that happens, known as ruins, and you're the template, psycho-fonts ruining
everything, the fonts are the thing, sheesh,
i know that and now the webaster does too,
there's a way to fix it but that means learning a whole new heavy learning
process when i still don't know the first step in the whole skanky
spiderwomanwebdeception, plus workin off the list of killin self-destructive
habits, that's a learnin process too you know, so no fonts come close to my
handwriting and when i finally see one i'm not ashamed to have you look at it
comes up on your computer like a business letter, it's a trick, someone sure
knows how important fonts are or there wouldn't be so many, but it's just
another thing in a world of wreckers that will not be what it claims to be i
wish i could just scrawl my feelings in a black magic marker like i did w/the
zines then stay up all night and scan scan scan scan them in the computer,
someone told me we could do that.
Well? I'm waiting.
Sorry, just keep sayin bless this mess please be
civil and bless this mess, note difference between obstructions and
obstructionists, it seems like a trick but it's really just tricky, the
internet like you is a work in progress, unlike you is not spooky trouble, ha
ha ok sorry fellas, just wanted to remind you these fonts are killing the
entire project.
But this looks like good news (it's not): i started
spinning out today and stopped the process. Hold your horses female grad
students, i'm not sayin mental illness is w/in the realm of volition, sorta, it
mostly isn't but kinda is, does this sound like a trick? Gotcha. But Fuckhead
says come on, artist, don't tell me you
don't know how to bring it on, so, you can do the list and make it stop.
I don't want to stop it, which has been established
in a previous post and hundreds of volumes of psychiatric social history.
Consequences, oh, right think about the consequences; gettin sick, losing cars,
public incidents, sexhellholekitten problems, irritibility, contempt,
starvation, conspiracies, stomach pump, grandiosity, decompensation, shopping
mall wipe-outs, bankruptcy, bob dylan lyrics as explanation for everything,
coffee and cigarettes, fixin marriages in restaurants, "the man protecting
you is also abusing you which is keeping you miserably alive but for all the
wrong reasons, happy honeymoon, this time" it's a blast, it's fun, admit
it, you've no idea how much more fun than the consequences of making it stop,
right, the thing my mania does for you:
entertain, give reason to feel offended by human detritus which you project on
me anyway b/c my personal attire outshines yours every day of the week, manic
or not, count on it, sister. What mania does for me: wards off your evil twin
stepsis, that ole devil called, no, why don't you do what you always do-just
watch me and make up your own diagnosis.
Good morning Suzy, here we go again.
And it's too late, i'm not even feeling iffy, the
spinfactor, christ what a tight little window, and when you miss the chance
there's no escape, no wonder there's such urgency about jumpin into it. Dr. Fuckhead didn't mean to withhold this
information from me, he forgot, of course he did.
So this is it. Spend the rest of my life drinkin
green tea with Nancy Reagan and doin paperwork. Why do people bother extendin
life if that's all you get to do with it? Why does everyone hang on so
tight? Self included. Must be biology, since we know for a fact it
can't be the sanctity of human life routine, we've managed fairly well I'd say
to get past all that unpleasantness.
Do i know what time it is? Why yes, 2 o'clock in the
morning, next on the list is church tomorrow, church tomorrow, sorry fuckin
church tomorrow.
Been tryin to go to church every sunday for 5 months
now. It's a routine: shower, blonde wig, good nylons sensible shoes, don't
think, put on rust-colored velvet/spandex church dress that still has tags on
since i can't make it out the door. I need some answers, I am now God's
accountant, and we've got some major fuckin debits to take care of.
Only person i
can think who might have the answers is Johnny Cash and i'm locked out of his
email, snore.
But that's where i go, Merle, Johnny, Hank, what
would Willie do?
Me sit on fainting couch w/purse on lap, play country
western music in search of his holiness, all eyes on the clock.
Eleven a.m: I bet they're congregating now, everyone
drinkin coffee gettin ready to go into sanctuary. I bet they have black people
there, too, I'm missin out on black people today and probably jews too for all
i know.
11:30 i
wonder who's givin the sermon today, wonder what they're talkin about, they
better not be talkin about me. Why the hell not?
See that's the thing, I've given them all my best head-case routines, and they still won't kick me out. Last time i was there i sat cryin for 3 hours over the suicide of a candy necklace the lotties in my former on-line psychiatric snakepit are pissed at me for feeling more intensely than they say i'm allowed to, makes them pale by comparison, wow there's a new one, this is a mental health community, emotional problems will not be tolerated. well troublewaits is a sunday school social, come in backstabbing bitches will you be my mommy? (yes) please be civil and wash your hands first, oh right can't get the blood off, ha yes these people are plenty snore. So cryin in church all day around strangers and no one blinks an eye, if that's not a sign from heaven i don't know what is.
They gave me a book on the spiritual side of elvis presley,
cookies, hugs, all the crap best appreciated by non-almost people, don't they
realize how much i want to use it all against them so i can go-out-get-fuct-up
and blame their God?
Johnny Cash is answers to life, period. But listening
to him's no good on Sunday, he hates theologians, and theologians stand for
God, but J.C. practically is God,
or at least a man of God, so what should I do? Play John Lennon, whoops, same
problem only better. Kurdt. Get out of my fucking face and don't come back.
Come back Kurdt, no one understands me but you, prick. Takes one to know one. I
read your new biograpy, 20 million wreckers rolled into one, not bad. Wanna
read my biography, sure ya do, punk:
Pontious Pilate had the right idea. Take a lesson,
her kind still out there.
Oh well, 2:36 am. How much space is there in cyberspace?
Enough for all God's children to straighten out in?
Any data on that? Sure, it's all here, now just go
find it, ha ha ha
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