Could you give Him my e-mail address?

Threw His holy ass out 2 weeks ago, just fed up, you know,

"hit the bricks and don't come back without a note from Your forensic psychiatrist."

So i'm alone of course i miss His presence of course, you can get used to anything, of course you can.

Homicidal Maniac, heavenly father. Speak thru me. Make me sacred vessel, You still do that?

 

He's in the computer all right, one thing i know for certain in the whole world right now is this font you're reading is WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONG, no one told me this was gonna happen, but of course it does, it's all that happens, known as ruins, and you're the template, psycho-fonts ruining everything, the fonts are the thing, sheesh, i know that and now the webaster does too, there's a way to fix it but that means learning a whole new heavy learning process when i still don't know the first step in the whole skanky spiderwomanwebdeception, plus workin off the list of killin self-destructive habits, that's a learnin process too you know, so no fonts come close to my handwriting and when i finally see one i'm not ashamed to have you look at it comes up on your computer like a business letter, it's a trick, someone sure knows how important fonts are or there wouldn't be so many, but it's just another thing in a world of wreckers that will not be what it claims to be i wish i could just scrawl my feelings in a black magic marker like i did w/the zines then stay up all night and scan scan scan scan them in the computer, someone told me we could do that.

Well? I'm waiting.

Sorry, just keep sayin bless this mess please be civil and bless this mess, note difference between obstructions and obstructionists, it seems like a trick but it's really just tricky, the internet like you is a work in progress, unlike you is not spooky trouble, ha ha ok sorry fellas, just wanted to remind you these fonts are killing the entire project.

 

But this looks like good news (it's not): i started spinning out today and stopped the process. Hold your horses female grad students, i'm not sayin mental illness is w/in the realm of volition, sorta, it mostly isn't but kinda is, does this sound like a trick? Gotcha. But Fuckhead says come on, artist, don't tell me you don't know how to bring it on, so, you can do the list and make it stop.

I don't want to stop it, which has been established in a previous post and hundreds of volumes of psychiatric social history. Consequences, oh, right think about the consequences; gettin sick, losing cars, public incidents, sexhellholekitten problems, irritibility, contempt, starvation, conspiracies, stomach pump, grandiosity, decompensation, shopping mall wipe-outs, bankruptcy, bob dylan lyrics as explanation for everything, coffee and cigarettes, fixin marriages in restaurants, "the man protecting you is also abusing you which is keeping you miserably alive but for all the wrong reasons, happy honeymoon, this time" it's a blast, it's fun, admit it, you've no idea how much more fun than the consequences of making it stop, right, the thing my mania does for you: entertain, give reason to feel offended by human detritus which you project on me anyway b/c my personal attire outshines yours every day of the week, manic or not, count on it, sister. What mania does for me: wards off your evil twin stepsis, that ole devil called, no, why don't you do what you always do-just watch me and make up your own diagnosis.

Good morning Suzy, here we go again.

And it's too late, i'm not even feeling iffy, the spinfactor, christ what a tight little window, and when you miss the chance there's no escape, no wonder there's such urgency about jumpin into it. Dr. Fuckhead didn't mean to withhold this information from me, he forgot, of course he did.

So this is it. Spend the rest of my life drinkin green tea with Nancy Reagan and doin paperwork. Why do people bother extendin life if that's all you get to do with it? Why does everyone hang on so tight? Self included. Must be biology, since we know for a fact it can't be the sanctity of human life routine, we've managed fairly well I'd say to get past all that unpleasantness.

 

Do i know what time it is? Why yes, 2 o'clock in the morning, next on the list is church tomorrow, church tomorrow, sorry fuckin church tomorrow.

Been tryin to go to church every sunday for 5 months now. It's a routine: shower, blonde wig, good nylons sensible shoes, don't think, put on rust-colored velvet/spandex church dress that still has tags on since i can't make it out the door. I need some answers, I am now God's accountant, and we've got some major fuckin debits to take care of.

Only person i can think who might have the answers is Johnny Cash and i'm locked out of his email, snore.

But that's where i go, Merle, Johnny, Hank, what would Willie do?

 

Me sit on fainting couch w/purse on lap, play country western music in search of his holiness, all eyes on the clock.

Eleven a.m: I bet they're congregating now, everyone drinkin coffee gettin ready to go into sanctuary. I bet they have black people there, too, I'm missin out on black people today and probably jews too for all i know.

11:30 i wonder who's givin the sermon today, wonder what they're talkin about, they better not be talkin about me. Why the hell not?

See that's the thing, I've given them all my best head-case routines, and they still won't kick me out. Last time i was there i sat cryin for 3 hours over the suicide of a candy necklace the lotties in my former on-line psychiatric snakepit are pissed at me for feeling more intensely than they say i'm allowed to, makes them pale by comparison, wow there's a new one, this is a mental health community, emotional problems will not be tolerated. well troublewaits is a sunday school social, come in backstabbing bitches will you be my mommy? (yes) please be civil and wash your hands first, oh right can't get the blood off, ha yes these people are plenty snore. So cryin in church all day around strangers and no one blinks an eye, if that's not a sign from heaven i don't know what is.

 

They gave me a book on the spiritual side of elvis presley, cookies, hugs, all the crap best appreciated by non-almost people, don't they realize how much i want to use it all against them so i can go-out-get-fuct-up and blame their God?

Johnny Cash is answers to life, period. But listening to him's no good on Sunday, he hates theologians, and theologians stand for God, but J.C. practically is God, or at least a man of God, so what should I do? Play John Lennon, whoops, same problem only better. Kurdt. Get out of my fucking face and don't come back. Come back Kurdt, no one understands me but you, prick. Takes one to know one. I read your new biograpy, 20 million wreckers rolled into one, not bad. Wanna read my biography, sure ya do, punk:

 

Pontious Pilate had the right idea. Take a lesson, her kind still out there.

 

Oh well, 2:36 am. How much space is there in cyberspace?

Enough for all God's children to straighten out in?

Any data on that? Sure, it's all here, now just go find it, ha ha ha

 

 

 

 

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